Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd: Pure Joy Wellbeing
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Reality Hits

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 17 September 2019
My morning began as chaotic as normal. My daughter the "perfectionist" who chooses to get up at 5-30 am just so she can look pristine - yet still be adamant she is fat and ugly overslept her alarm clock, so when I staggered out of bed at 6.30 am cursing dark mornings I realised she was not up. At this point I just wanted to go back to bed rather than face the battles I knew lay ahead of me. 7am after my shower I get down stairs, taking deep breathes to at least keep some sanity whilst thinking there is no way she will be ready by 7.50 am the time I like to leave to drive her to college without stressing. (County Council Transport is planned to start tomorrow) . I prep breakfast and the usual panic attacks and dramas take place. I am still managing to stay relatively calm and using tapping techniques to keep me sane. She then cleans her teeth and blocks the sink with all the food stored in her braces. Yuck another job on my ever increasing to do list. Natalia then decides to physically freeze, by now it is 8am and my head is internally going like the rabbit from Alison Wonderland with a few expletives added. I get in the car at 8.05am Natalia doesn't follow me, another case of freezing. Eventually I have lost my s##t momentarily! Followed by the cry of "Mum why are you mad?" My response of "just get in the car" was very restrained. The college on a good run is a 30 minute drive but it is rush hour; and we also get the delights of the tractor on twisty roads. Grr! Silence in the car apart from me blaring out Katy Perry's song Firework. So we get stuck in traffic, approximately 8.45 we get into Durham - it is gridlocked. So I give my daughter two options get out and walk the rest or be late. She took option 1 - not surprisingly as walking burns calories. Still stuck in traffic, relieved to get her to Durham in time, I now have to get back for an online TESOL interview at 10 am before going back to Durham for my Personal Training Course at 11am. Got home 9.40 checked the laptop, made a cuppa. House still a tip ! I contact the recruiter to say I am online via SKYPE messenger at 9.58 only to get a message back she is in a meeting can we rearrange for one hours time, I politely said no as I had another appointment. So she asked a colleague to do it, I am now 10 minutes behind schedule, again my head is internalising expletives. So the recruiter calls, my laptop mic fails. Already late and as my equipment has failed I am thinking f##k - then convincing myself it must be fate taking over . Anyway I make contact via Skype on my phone (not ideal as there was a platform required for the demo lesson.) - which the feedback I got was need to be flamboyant and use more facial expressions. Anyone who knows me will clarify my face is usually expressive (usually at the wrong time) however I was so focused on managing internal calmness, that I didn't shine = another one for my F##k It Bucket. Eventually get to my PT class to have an exam landed on me which I thought was going to be next week given to me. Alan's (PT) theory was if I had more time to prepare I would panic more. Fair point ! Amazingly I passed. In the meantime my long suffering hubby is works away 4 nights a week receives an e mail to say transport for my daughter is ready to start from tomorrow but to phone taxi company to make arrangements . We agree with each other 7.45 would be ideal, 8am at the latest. The taxi company are saying it will 8.30 am collection. I bend his ear he rings back and 8.20 is negotiated as apparently there are "policies" Convinced Natalia is going to be late in to I have e mailed the Head of Year and told her to e mail if she is late so I have written evidence to go back to battle with. I collect my daughter at around 1 (she is on half day Tuesday ) , she has an appointment at 2 pm. I find a secluded parking area (no time to go home) as she refuses to eat in public, Normal mealtime dramas, I swear one day someone is going to call the police and they will turn up as anyone who passes the car must wonder. Again taking deep breathes. 2 pm we arrive Natalia chats to the nurse happily as she has built up a rapport whilst BP and temperature etc are taken. The psychiatrist walks in (you may have read of some of her misdemeanours previously in the links) Natalia point blank refuses to talk to her, it was excruciatingly painful to be in the same room witnessing and 45 minutes I will never get back. Natalia is very much like me when she has been crossed. On the bright-side Natalia remained in the room this time, the last two times she has walked out. After that we drove home I decided to chill for half and hour = oops I feel asleep and woke up 2 hours later. Now to face teatime. Normal crap plus clawing herself as well, I keep telling myself I am in control, Several games of UNO later and she goes back to study; so time for me to research and think about exercising - didn't do any though ! Supper time arrives the normal trauma, panic attacks, tantrums etc added to this violently shaking as she does every suppertime and deposits a nightly dose of mucus over me during her final panic attack of the day. Eventually get her settled and then a game of Knock Out Wist and she is in bed. I wonder what joys tomorrow will bring: Will the taxi turn up? Will she eat lunch for the EDT? How will parents evening go? I have to cling on to the positives because the negatives would weigh me down.

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