Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd: Pure Joy Wellbeing
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My journey as a Life Coach and Therapist began when my daughter became ill with anorexia nervosa; a mental and physical illness which has had a massive strain on family and friend alike and is very misunderstood, like so many mental health illnesses. Texts books have a place but theory and reality like can be vastly different. I have included a couple of links if you want to read our background but the purpose of this blog is to give an honest account about moving forward and the reality of being a carer and for you to realise you are not alone. Carers are very often neglected and deal with so awful situations. I am a Life Coach and Therapist inspired to make a difference as resources are scarce for both patients and carers alike. I feel compelled to add humour because at times if I didn't laugh I would cry. I have a toolbox to try and get you through hour by hour, day by day.

 

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CAMHs

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 01 October 2019
Quick update. I have a meeting with the Head of CAMHs Michelle Trainer on Thursday am

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Life is a rollercoaster

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 01 October 2019
What a week, I really don't know where to start. The ethics of Pure Joy Wellbeing and and amazing Hypnotherapy Training Course have kept me sane... Just Below is a copy of an e mail I sent to the Director of TEWV "To Whom it May concern I am totally flabbergasted and angry; and my daughter is destroyed by the fact that members of staff from West Lane Hospital are being integrated into the Children's Durham Eating Disorder Team. My daughter already is suffering from PTSD from her time in West Lane Hospital where our complaints and concerns were regularly miminised. She went in malnourished and left covered in scars. Any inquiry is still pending regarding treatment (or lack of it) in West Lane Hospital, so why are these people being allowed anywhere near children, even if they didn't do anything wrong physically they still were party to the abuse which went on, which isn't acceptable. Many of the staff being redeployed were involved in Natalia's restraints. I have the names and information about some of these have previously been reported to safeguarding. We were just starting to put the pieces together again with a lot of support from the current EDT however in one thoughtless decision you have destroyed their hard work and now she is suicidal again, self harming and terrified. As parents we are now on 24 hour vigil again. Do you really want another suicide on your hands? After all members of staff told her at Evergreen when she had a failed attempt that she hadn'tdone a good job and was left covered in blood and told to clean it up. I have a timeline 31-12-18 and evidence to support my claims but I have included them again; as well as responses to my complaints. I want the imbesile who made such a heartless decsion held accountable, This decision also goes totally against what you claim to be your five values. https://www.tewv.nhs.uk/about-us/how-we-do-it/our-values-and-behaviours/ How can we move forward when still haunted by the past? I would love to work in collaboration to improve services but barriers seem to be constantly put in our way. I await your response Regards" The situation beggars belief, I am awaiting a callback from the Head of CAMHs but apparently although staff are still going to be going into the team, which is diabolical😱the Chester Le Street Hub is going to be a safe haven for West Lane Patients. Last night we had to call an ambulance 🚑 as I found Natalia lying on the floor of the bathroom 🛀🏻with self harm to the foot, and I couldn't move her. Particially a reaction to anorexia being challenged by ourselves and also the West Lane Saga. It took over 2 hours for an ambulance, her blood sugars were 4.2 and BP low under usual circumstances she would have been take to A & E but she was refusing and we all agreed it would give her the opportunity to skip meals. She went to college🏫 today and I have made a pact with her is she challenges her panic attacks I won't drink alcohol this year/decade again. 🥂📆 On the positive I attended an amazing Clinical Hypnotherapy Foundation course, the tutor was Inspirational and I can't wait to start the Full Diploma, I left with a true belief I had found my destiny. 😍 James wa salso amazing as he did all the meal support with Natalia all weekend and I got to meet an amazing bunch of women. Pure Joy Wellbeing 🦋is going to be giving some talks and tasters to a few Charity Events in the next few weeks which is exciting.

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Out of Order

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 26 September 2019
Been feeling ill these last two days 😷🛏= will update hopefully tomorrow. Key points to write about will be Leadership Course Ronnie (our pet rat) and the keyboard saga My lack of make up knowledge

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Knackered

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 24 September 2019
Short Post today my bed is calling. I dropped James off at silly o clock as he is back at work for 4 days ⛟ Weigh in day for Natalia always extremely stressful with bouts of self harming/clawing increasing 😭. Weight increased which as parents it gives us hope that she will become more cognitive, anorexia naturally is fuming 👹 . ASDA was closed due to flooding which threw Natalia's meal plan into chaos. More stress. 😣 we did try to purchase the food on Sunday but it was out of stock then 1🙄. A BBC reporter has contacted me reference an investigation into West Lane Hospital 📺🏥. My concern is long term effects on patients such as my daughter. Angry that the Head Director is still in denial and a job. Passed my Level 3 Personal Trainer course so I can officially start training others. I🏅 My throat feels like I have swallowed razorblades. 🤒 when you are a carer self care tends to go out of the window. Night night everyone

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Think before you speak

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 23 September 2019
Well the hair tantrums weren't as bad as I predicted, but once again I literally had to throw her out the door as the taxi was here before she was ready - again !!!!!🤦‍♀️ I went to the loo and my phone started going mental with her ringtone🚽📱 before I know it she is back, forgot her lanyard. James and I attended an excellent course on stress and resilience, I am always on the look out for new tips. James naturally dropped himself in it by asking if two ladies were mother and daughter ( I don't think they looked alike but he did)🤦‍♂️ The lady he thought was the mother was only 27. Natalia came home 🚖 and asked for a word in private, apparently the taxi driver had asked her on the way to college if she was going to throw her lunch away 🥗🤔, adding "I bet you will" and then asked her on the way back if she had 🤦🏻‍♂️. Needless to say I phoned the company up for a polite word, they were apologetic, so I am trusting it will be rectified. James had the delights of tea tonight with out darling. I am dreading supper. I am now officially on the Life Coach Directory so that is a positive. I have a few things in the pipeline so fingers crossed.

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Exhaustion

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 22 September 2019
Thank f##k it is bedtime. Natalia's wretched anorexia is really testing our patience at the moment. When will this nightmare ever end. Natalia's cold is now resting on her chest making her panic attacks even more stressful. 🙄🤧 Yesterday I didn't blog as I had my first night away from Natalia this year. Lovely evening, great catch up with my friend & my godson. However I suffered today, felt okay when I got up and then the hangover started to creep up on me. Knackered as well as didn't sleep well. 🥂🥂🥂😴 Yesterday Natalia also did my makeup for my live video. Slightly concerning it took her over an hour and a half to do my makeup. 👄I really didn't think I needed so much makeup. It was nerve wracking doing the video to launch my website www.purejoywellbeing.co.uk designed by Ethan Goodchild (my son) Today I think Natalia/Anorexia is punishing me for having a night off but I refuse to be bullied. Lots of tears tonight and a new method of pinching skin on her neck & twisting it. She also tried to strangulate her waist with a belt. 💔 it is heart breaking size 4 and she thinks she is huge. I can't help think that teenagers are forced to live in a world of unrealistical demands whilst filtered and photoshopped images along with cyberbullying cause a lot of mental health problems. 🤔 To finish me off tonight Natalia decided to wrap her hair in straws to give her curly hair tomorrow (I predict a tantrum in the morning followed by self loathing. ) As always Natalia has no concept of time⏳ so despite me nagging in vain supper was a lot later than planned. Remember what I said about the straws in her hair, she had a panic attack sat and curled up on me and my face was stabbed by straws. I yelped which caused her to fly into even more hysterics. 🤯🙈 Another day closer to recovery is what Ikeep reminding myself . Time for some unwinding meditation before I face another day.

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Website Launch

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 22 September 2019
www.purejoywellbeing.co.uk

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Some Days are Better than others

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 20 September 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE186w91YVU

Fair play despite her illness Natalia's mindset is improving as well as her resilience, the methodologies of Pure Joy Wellbeing must be having an impact. Natalia was adamant she was going to college #proudmummy lovely to see the fighting spirit.💪 Quote of the day belongs to my son Hubby to Ethan " Have you got my black shirt, mum might have put it with your clothes" Son "Not sure can you give me a clue what it looks like" 🤣🤣🤣 Disappointing for me as appointments for tomorrow have cancelled. I love doing what I do and I truly believe I can make a difference to others. Hopefully my website will be launched in the next few days and it will boost my client numbers and make me more visible.

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Poor Bairn

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 19 September 2019
The poor bairn woke up with glands like golf balls, bad enough eating if you don't have anorexia, can you imagine the drama and my dilemma, she needs the calories but she is in pain, Natalia was still adamant she was going to college so that was a bonus and something I could use to negotiate with. Breakfast was the usual nightmare, but more to complain about today, on the bright-side she was losing her voice so the whinging wasn't as loud. The taxi arrives punctually, well I say taxi, it was a minibus just for Natalia, I howled laughing as she exclaimed the are having a giraffe. Off she went, and I had peace and quiet to do so some research. Managed to arrange a meeting next week with two awesome entrepreneurs, who are taking part in the FEA Visibility Challenge I am participating in. I am so excited their businesses totally compliment Pure Joy Wellbeing's Life Coaching and Therapy services. 11.15 pm I had a very positive counselling appointment. 2.35 pm I get a panicky call from Natalia saying that the taxi hasn't turned up. I phoned the taxi office and the taxi must have had a tracker on it as they could tell me it was next to the college. Meanwhile someone in the office called the taxi driver, he was stuck at traffic lights. Construction work around the college area is a nightmare. By the time Natalia got home she was pale with a full blown cold. I felt an evil mummy making her eat lunch but kept telling myself she needs the nutrients to fight the cold. She is so washed out and lots of glorious snot to match. Soft food today for her. I am trying to convince her food will aid her recovery but she doesn't believe me After tea we went for a drive, we are so lucky we have beautiful countryside around us. We saw an injured bunny so we had to turn round and take it to safety. By supper Natalia sounded like Darth Vader on 40 cigarettes a day bless her. It breaks my heart to see her this way and as she came downstairs early for supper without numerous prompts I know she is really unwell, and she took some paracetamol and vitamin C willingly which is unheard of. She is adamant she is going to college tomorrow because she has been shown statistics that those with less than 95% attendance get lower grades, which in her favour is admirable. She is now tucked up in bed. My hubby is now home and on his four days off so he can share the responsibility from tomorrow of a poorly daughter from tomorrow. My hubby bought me a lovely large bar of chocolate; you know how they say everything in moderation I never manage to have chocolate in moderation and now I feel sick but enjoying a Rhubarb Gin and Ginger, after all ginger has medicinal qualities. Anyway plan to go and do some meditation and breathing to relax whilst my hubby is watching the footy highlights. Let's see what tomorrow brings,

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Well it nearly went to plan !!!!

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 18 September 2019
So the day began with the normal tantrums (and that was just me) when my beloved daughter decided to freeze suddenly on the stairs, and I went arse over tit behind her. Fair to say my brakes didn't work. Dusted myself down, trying to think of a positive after all my acrobatics meant she was now downstairs. Normal dramas over breakfast . The taxi did turn up 10 minutes early, naturally Natalia wasn't ready, I ran out in my pyjamas to tell the driver she is on her way, and literally shoved her out the door, though I did stand at the door until the taxi departed to make sure she had gone. (She does like college, she just has no concept of time) Peace at last what should I do, I was adamant it was time for self care so on goes a podcast. I actually felt chilled for a while. 1 pm I get a dreaded Private number call (at lunchtime) which is usually not a positive call. This time it was the regarding Natalia's phone having no battery and she couldn't remember plans for parents evening - despite numerous discussions with her. The lovely nurse had called the office to confirm details with me (which Natalia had got totally inaccurate), the office then called the nurse back and then me back to confirm again as policy states she cannot contact patients directly from her mobile - which I understand but a work mobile would be useful. I start doing some of my Crisis Volunteer admin and tidying then set off for parent's evening. As I pass 6th Form going to the car park I see a traffic warden moving on a taxi belonging to the company transporting Natalia. My gut instinct was right - despite being told a taxi collection today was not required home, a communication breakdown had occurred. I walked up the driveway and the taxi was now outside reception, I went over to find out if it was for Natalia at the same time as a teacher, who was relieved that I turned up when I did. I driver was canny enough and said he had been waiting 45 minutes; both the teacher and I interjected that as the college didn't finish until 3.20 pm and it was now 3.50 pm he shouldn't have been waiting 45 minutes, I also said the agreement was for 3.30 pm so there was time to get out of class, ask the teacher questions and go to the loo; but hey ho that's the way it goes. Meanwhile the agreed place to meet Natalia had been locked up, so she wasn't where we arranged. She had seen me and headed in my direction and a case of ever decreasing circles began, with me collecting members of staff looking for her as the taxi firm prior to speaking to me had contacted the college they had checked registers and were aware she had been to all sessions. Natalia has only been there 8 teaching days and there are 900 new starters so apart from an ID photo which doesn't look like her they didn't know who they were looking for. Anyway I walk into the learning resource centre and spoke to a member of staff saying I was looking for my daughter. he asked "Do you know her name?" . Bless him he realised what he said as soon as he asked, at the same time the Year 13 Head turned up also looking for Natalia. Fortunately when we left the resource centre Natalia was there; so the search party could be called off. I put my phone on silent and went to the Lecture Theatre. During the midst of all this a member of staff had contacted my hubby and he returned from loading his truck to a missed call. I was blissfully unaware that he had been contacted, I had noticed I had a missed call from them at about the time I had been with the teacher and taxi driver. Poor James couldn't get hold of anyone so was wondering what the hell was going on - poor soul. Anyway all ended well. Better go I have to face the hell of supper time. I wonder what will happen tomorrow.

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Reality Hits

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 17 September 2019
My morning began as chaotic as normal. My daughter the "perfectionist" who chooses to get up at 5-30 am just so she can look pristine - yet still be adamant she is fat and ugly overslept her alarm clock, so when I staggered out of bed at 6.30 am cursing dark mornings I realised she was not up. At this point I just wanted to go back to bed rather than face the battles I knew lay ahead of me. 7am after my shower I get down stairs, taking deep breathes to at least keep some sanity whilst thinking there is no way she will be ready by 7.50 am the time I like to leave to drive her to college without stressing. (County Council Transport is planned to start tomorrow) . I prep breakfast and the usual panic attacks and dramas take place. I am still managing to stay relatively calm and using tapping techniques to keep me sane. She then cleans her teeth and blocks the sink with all the food stored in her braces. Yuck another job on my ever increasing to do list. Natalia then decides to physically freeze, by now it is 8am and my head is internally going like the rabbit from Alison Wonderland with a few expletives added. I get in the car at 8.05am Natalia doesn't follow me, another case of freezing. Eventually I have lost my s##t momentarily! Followed by the cry of "Mum why are you mad?" My response of "just get in the car" was very restrained. The college on a good run is a 30 minute drive but it is rush hour; and we also get the delights of the tractor on twisty roads. Grr! Silence in the car apart from me blaring out Katy Perry's song Firework. So we get stuck in traffic, approximately 8.45 we get into Durham - it is gridlocked. So I give my daughter two options get out and walk the rest or be late. She took option 1 - not surprisingly as walking burns calories. Still stuck in traffic, relieved to get her to Durham in time, I now have to get back for an online TESOL interview at 10 am before going back to Durham for my Personal Training Course at 11am. Got home 9.40 checked the laptop, made a cuppa. House still a tip ! I contact the recruiter to say I am online via SKYPE messenger at 9.58 only to get a message back she is in a meeting can we rearrange for one hours time, I politely said no as I had another appointment. So she asked a colleague to do it, I am now 10 minutes behind schedule, again my head is internalising expletives. So the recruiter calls, my laptop mic fails. Already late and as my equipment has failed I am thinking f##k - then convincing myself it must be fate taking over . Anyway I make contact via Skype on my phone (not ideal as there was a platform required for the demo lesson.) - which the feedback I got was need to be flamboyant and use more facial expressions. Anyone who knows me will clarify my face is usually expressive (usually at the wrong time) however I was so focused on managing internal calmness, that I didn't shine = another one for my F##k It Bucket. Eventually get to my PT class to have an exam landed on me which I thought was going to be next week given to me. Alan's (PT) theory was if I had more time to prepare I would panic more. Fair point ! Amazingly I passed. In the meantime my long suffering hubby is works away 4 nights a week receives an e mail to say transport for my daughter is ready to start from tomorrow but to phone taxi company to make arrangements . We agree with each other 7.45 would be ideal, 8am at the latest. The taxi company are saying it will 8.30 am collection. I bend his ear he rings back and 8.20 is negotiated as apparently there are "policies" Convinced Natalia is going to be late in to I have e mailed the Head of Year and told her to e mail if she is late so I have written evidence to go back to battle with. I collect my daughter at around 1 (she is on half day Tuesday ) , she has an appointment at 2 pm. I find a secluded parking area (no time to go home) as she refuses to eat in public, Normal mealtime dramas, I swear one day someone is going to call the police and they will turn up as anyone who passes the car must wonder. Again taking deep breathes. 2 pm we arrive Natalia chats to the nurse happily as she has built up a rapport whilst BP and temperature etc are taken. The psychiatrist walks in (you may have read of some of her misdemeanours previously in the links) Natalia point blank refuses to talk to her, it was excruciatingly painful to be in the same room witnessing and 45 minutes I will never get back. Natalia is very much like me when she has been crossed. On the bright-side Natalia remained in the room this time, the last two times she has walked out. After that we drove home I decided to chill for half and hour = oops I feel asleep and woke up 2 hours later. Now to face teatime. Normal crap plus clawing herself as well, I keep telling myself I am in control, Several games of UNO later and she goes back to study; so time for me to research and think about exercising - didn't do any though ! Supper time arrives the normal trauma, panic attacks, tantrums etc added to this violently shaking as she does every suppertime and deposits a nightly dose of mucus over me during her final panic attack of the day. Eventually get her settled and then a game of Knock Out Wist and she is in bed. I wonder what joys tomorrow will bring: Will the taxi turn up? Will she eat lunch for the EDT? How will parents evening go? I have to cling on to the positives because the negatives would weigh me down.

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Some background information

Posted By Kristen Goodchild, Pure Joy Wellbeing Ltd, 17 September 2019
http://chng.it/WTbm7jKK http://chng.it/mLPy4YZhxs

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